Consider an Elf called Patch. Patch is keen and ambitious. Patch sees others using Twitter,Vimeo, Facebook, blogs, YouTube, Spotify, AudioBoo and wants in there. He thinks Santa could deliver a bumper time online even though he doesn’t really need the web hits or the SEO.

So Patch nags Santa, convinces him that it’s all about “the conversation” and Santa, being the good guy, lets Patch go and start doing stuff, which he does. Suddenly there’s blogs and tweets and what have you within minutes of getting the nod. And that’s where it goes wrong…

See that’s Patch’s THIRD mistake. He’s just ran out there and started doing it, which you can do, but for best use of time and effort he should have looked at Santa’s overall PR, marketing and communications plan and seen how the digital aspects integrate with it, making best use of all resources and being able to plan and strategise ahead.

Patch’s first mistake was not checking what’s already out there – even a basic SWOT analysis – because if he had done that he would have spotted things like the incredible www.portablenorthpole.tv and wondered if he needed to do any more.

But Patch beavers away and as he’s doing all this himself, he finds himself in a bind. He’s now having to do all this extra work – podcasting, tweeting, filming, editing – as well as his main duties because he never cleared a change in workload with Santa. So now, he’s more tired than ever – but the toys still get made.

Patch also – because he’s done this as a one-man band and just rushed in without talking to the other elves – misses some great stories from parts of the Grotto. Tales and expertise that are missed because instead of people in each part of the Grotto (sub-Grotto?) doing some of the digital PR, he’s trying to do it all.

However, the toys get made, the tweets get tweeted. Everything is out there for the 25th and everyone sits down to read Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus and watch It’s A Wonderful Life (the black and white version).

Then, something goes wrong… suddenly there’s all these complaints appearing. More than ever. “Santa, where’s me fucking bike?”; “I never wanted a pink dollshouse,” and so on. Because there’s now a direct outlet to Santa, people are going straight to him, engaging with him and as Santa is finding out, complaints travel quicker than praise and build more momentum too.

Now as it’s Xmas, Patch doesn’t reply for a few days, so the situation gets worse with people wondering if Santa’s inept or if there’s something bigger behind it: is there a conspiracy against certain people just as Amazon was accused of in 2009. With no response from the House of Claus, people assume the worst. And it spreads.

Now because this is the talk of the web, then the traditional media report on it. Now all they do is report what others are saying, but it keeps the fires burning and at this point Patch is in full on crisis PR mode.

But with all these people being unhappy, someone (probably in California) gets an idea: why don’t we improve upon Santa. GoogleSanta or SantaTorrent perhaps? Take the best of Santa 1.0 and enhance.

So now, Santa has competition. And if that competition even takes a few per cent of the market, you can bet someone else will come in and try and out-Santa the two Santa’s.

“But Santa gives away things for free” you cry. So does most of the web (including physical products) so that’s not an issue.

So, thanks to Patch doing Santa posting, his monopoly and goodwill of hundreds of years is under threat and he’s facing possible redundancy whereas if he stayed quiet, there would have been mystique, wonder and awe.

A bit like Apple.

Why Santa should be like Apple

Apple are credited as being very important in the social media and digital scene. Heck, MP3 recordings are now named after a product of theirs and the iPhone/iPod have put a lot more people online all of the time.

But Apple isn’t a social media or digital communications company.

Where’s the blogs from Apple insiders? Where’s the official videos or tweets? Where’s the chats with Mr Ives about the iMacs that never made it? A look at the design ethos behind each product. Where’s the two-way engagement? All there has been is a recent Facebook page on iTunes (which now appears to be getting used as a sales driver for gift vouchers).

It’s not there. Apple has a web presence that if it was any more old-school would be in black and white and suggesting Netscape Navigator as the browser of choice. It has a website and a store, thank you very much. iTunes at heart is just a store. A lot of it is free, but it’s still a store.

But people love Apple. They talk about every little rumour, every snippet. There’s mystery, there’s awe. What would be run of the mill for anyone else gets different treatment when it’s Apple. They have a lot of brand ambassadors. Apple doesn’t need to be online as there are others doing it for them. It’s a win-win. Apple is still spoken about positively (and defended) while not having to spend time doing it.

Another reason Patch shouldn’t be blogging as Santa

He’s not real. Impersonating another person online is fraudulent under the laws of many countries.

(all of the aforementioned taken from the slightly longer post about the Scottish Social Media Dinner)