Interesting couple of days in the old Scottish Social Media Scene (I’m actually starting to think that the balloon’s about to burst but that’s a post for another day – or a sign I need to get out more) but there were a few things that popped up – one on Twyberbullying and one on digital terrorism*

Now they may have the right sentiment, but also make me want to turn round and say fuck right off and don’t even kid on that a disagreement online is the same as the torment and pain that comes with real bullying and terrorism.

Now that we’ve set the tone, shall we continue?

Righty, Michelle Rodger posted a piece up on Tartancat about Twyberbullying. Now, Michelle’s reasoning is If you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all, and judging by the comments – mine excepted – she’s hit on a nerve. People seem to want online to be all about the nicey nicey.

And that’s nice, but it’s bollocks. If I see something – that I have either an interest in or some knowledge of – then I’m going to comment and offer my informed opinion. It may not be the most informed, but neither will it be the least informed and it will be sincere. If I say it’s nice, I’ll say it’s nice. if it’s crap, I’ll say it’s crap. What I won’t do is butter it up the way so many seem to think is SOP these days (you know the kind. They think it’s crap but they spend 20 minutes buttering you up before saying that. My way saves you 20 minutes).

And this is what the net needs – for more than one reason.

Why nice is counter-evolutionary

If you continually tell me I’m wonderful, I’ll believe it and the odds are I won’t develop as much as if you point out the flaws in something I’ve done. Does it annoy me that you can find flaws, of course, but at the end of the day if everyone says you’re wonderful all the time you’re either not from this planet or people are just being nice. And if people are always nice then you don’t develop as much as you do by criticism. And their praise loses impact.

Also, being nice all the time? There’s a phrase for that in newspapers: PR puffery. Trust me, it’s not a compliment.

Put it this way: if you’ve ever had a PR teacher or fitness trainer, who got the best results out of you – the guy who gave you a cuddle when you stopped, saying ‘I can’t do any more’ or the guy who pushed you past that and got more out of you? Who hasn’t thought they couldn’t do something and then did? You achieve more by being challenged. And you’re better for it.

Biology has shown that we improve via hurdles. We develop. We lose the ability to be criticised, we lose far, far more than we gain as a species.

Me-too-ism

This isn’t a new thing of course. People seek out like-minded others. Online, the phrase Tribe has been used in social media circles for a few years about that. Newspapers built circulations out of like-minded people. Football fans, nighclubs, hobby circles, even terrorism – groups of people coming together for something they believed in. But there was always an opposing point of view and people willing to debate about it, not be shushed. But online, it seems that to take a counter view fills some with horror.

I was particular horrified recently to get a snarky tweet from one of the Media 140 Scotland speakers after I tweeted a fair question. I expected a dignified, adult response. Not snark. But if said speaker had wanted snark, I’d have given him it. And won. But I wasn’t there for that, I was there for a serious chat. Shame I never got it, so I moved on instead of making an issue out of it.

Online needs criticism – offline needs it too – if for one reason more than any. If we are all agreeing (“yes, we’re all individuals”) then at best we become a monoculture (boring) losing the uniqueness that makes us all special and at worst we become a mob. And mobs are ugly things. They silence people, they make others feel they have to be quiet because they don’t agree with the mob. Instead of boosting conversation and engagement, they destroy it. And that’s the total antithesis of what the internet – and especially the era of social – should be about.

Narcissm

The other thing is that if we all end up all lovey-dovey and never criticising we end up with a nation of people who all think they’re great and if so, then they should all enter The X-Factor and win. And even if you don’t have kids, by participating in the culture of “we all agree” you encourage the growth of that.

And do you really want to be one of those people who encourage talentless people to put themselves out there to be ridiculed at by others? (yes, this is a metaphor)

But why does God need a starship?

At various points through history, the consensus has been that we were created by God in seven days, that the Sun went round the Earth, that man could not fly, that man was the only intelligent life on the planet, that smoking and alcohol were good for you, blacks were inferior, women didn’t need the vote or jobs as they were inferior to men. Most of those are proven wrong.

And how did that happen? Because someone took the opposing view and didn’t go “me too” along with everyone else.

Say a nasty thing = twyberbully, post a few bad things = digital terrorist

Not necessarily – and very often not. Bullying is when you repeatedly and constantly attack a person negatively. Note: attack a person. Events, cars, trees – they don’t have emotional feelings. There’s a difference between criticism and bullying and to mix them up is an incredible insult to people who have really been bullied, online or off. The sort of bullying that goes on for weeks and months and leaves a person scarred or suffering a breakdown.

I know lots of people who were bullied at school and work – some verbally, some physically – and some dealt with it – and growing in the process, building their defence mechanisms and – bluntly – survival techniques – and others didn’t. I was bullied at school and I couldn’t fight my way out of a paperbag, but I found coping mechanisms, I found ways past bullying and I survived. I turned it into a win.

But that’s not the point. The point is this: a few disagreeing posts does not a bully make.

Similarly, if someone puts up a website stating something negative, leaves nasty comments elsewhere, that’s not digital terrorism. You want to see digital terrorism, go hire some hackers and blackhat types and set them on your competition to bring down not only their websites but disrupt their internal IT network and operations. Go annoy the 4chans and see what they do to you.

Someone posting negative comments? That’s someone with another side of a story. Terrorism? Give me a break. You want to meet the victims of terror? Go to Ireland, go to Manchester, go to Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Palestine, London.

How people should engage with negativity online

We live in age where it’s all about the two-way engagement. If someone posts something you disagree with, do what social media types advise businesses to do: engage. Talk it through with them. Be rational if they are being rational, even especially if you disagree with them. Take the conversation to the natural limit. If you get to a point where you can’t reach common ground, agree to disagree, don’t go hurling insults about. And don’t try to be sly by insulting people without mentioning them. You really look petty when you do that.

The power of words

The worst of all this is that we should be better than this by now. We’re past the days of Godwin’s Law. We’ve always known words have power so we should be using the right words at the right times, not for byperbole and hype – especially when we are in the sector of trained communicators. Words can do so much – and good online writing should too – it should evoke emotions in us and then we can work with those emotions to talk through things. If a post gets me angry because it has provoked me, I write about why. I don’t go “BULLY!” or moan that they shouldn’t have said things which provoked a negative emotion for me.

And while we’re at it…

Lots of social media as advocated by many is a) the emperor’s new clothes and b) old-style marketing dressed up in a Twitter or Facebook stream. True social media – as I have advocated in many places – is a state of mind, an attitude to do better, not Twitter, Facebook and so on. But you want another few names for the best of social media? Being the best of humanity, sharing your time and knowledge, good customer relations. They all sum it up too.

When I promote good things that I’ve spotted under the tag ‘social media’ it’s because I think it’s good and interesting in the communications sector, but let’s be fair 85% of it is not wonderful or fantastic. I don’t drink the Kool Aid and you know what, that way I can be bluntly honest about what’s good and what’s bad – and defend it. And I expect the same from my friends, peers and enemies.

Equally: a lot of marketing is crap, lots of newspapers are utter mince and lift stories from elsewhere unethically. But it’s the gems in each field that make it worthwhile. If some people think that’s me drinking Kool Aid, then so be it. I’ll call the good stuff as I see it and point out the bad stuff – and how it could be better – too.

A truth about the internet

Not everyone loves you. In fact, the vast majority don’t even know you exist.

I hope you disagreed

Anyway, that’s my take on it. I will continue to write, blog, tweet, SMS and disagree with many people. If that’s a problem for you, then perhaps you have to ask if you want to be on a global communications forum.

But you know what? When I disagree with you, it will be sincere. And when I agree with you it will be sincere. And no matter what you are posting – as long as it is rational – no matter what I think of it, I’ll have your back for you to say it. But have the good grace to use the right words, be adult and rational.

To bring it back to the day job, it’s the reason I say to a lot of companies “social media alone won’t make you a penny online” and you know what? That bluntness and honesty has won me more work than lost – and I’ve been right every time. And I can argue that viewpoint. Others, I am sure, can argue the other side of it.

We’re here to make things more interesting, better and raise everyone up by being and showing the best we can be, not by being rabble.

(* “but it’s just some blog posts and an event” you say. Exactly. Proving my point.)